My Article is in Today’s Parent USA

My Article is in Today’s Parent USA

The Top 4 Ways Reading and Telling Stories to My Sons Brought Me Closer To Them

By the time my wife Kira and I had our first child I was a senior officer at a large public pharmaceutical company. This meant that I had to work extremely long hours and frequently travel away from home, often for days at a time. This was just as true three years later when our second son was born. I know this will sound like a cliché, but Kira and I wanted to make sure that the time I did have with the boys was quality time.

So whenever I was home for dinner, Kira urged me to lead the dinner conversation with our sons (which often included telling them a story). A few hours later, when they were in bed before going to sleep, I would read or tell them a fairy tale or other story. When they were very little, I certainly doubted that they understood much of what I was saying.

Way #1. It showed I loved and wanted to spend time with them, and be part of their lives, which is critical to building your relationship with them.

As my sons got a little older and their comprehension increased, I had to find ways to make the things I was reading to them more interesting. That wasn’t so easy, especially after they had heard most of the fairy tales and other stories so often that they could have told them to me. It wasn’t long before I felt I had to make up entirely new stories to keep their interest.

One day I created a breed of magical animal characters. They were about the size of a cow, were covered in wool, had large elephant-like ears and very long tails. They were remarkable animals. In addition to other powers, they could fly and speak all human languages. I named these animals “Woolymongers”©TM, a name I pulled out of the air. I explained that most people hadn’t heard about them because they lived on isolated mountain tops, and tried to hide from us.

Every night for the next few years, my sons would beg me to tell them another Woolymonger story. And somehow I would make up an entirely new story. I would even manage to build in a moral (which communicated Kira’s and my family values), such as: “respect your parents”, “do not lie or cheat”, “do not brag or boast” and “try to help those less fortunate”. After I’d finish telling a story, Kira and I would explain how important the lesson in that story was. These tales got my sons using their brains. They were eager to try to guess the end of the story, and what the moral would be.

Way #2. Children need and want mental stimulation, and a relationship that provides it connects parents even more closely to their children.

Unfortunately, children do grow-up (I say this knowing that it betrays how much I miss having little children), and the time did come when they considered themselves too grown-up for my Woolymonger stories. At this point, my sons began selecting and reading books they found in libraries, the children’s section of book stores and school. I encouraged them to read their favorite passages to me, and to tell me about the stories in the books they were reading. This gave them the ability to “lecture” their parents and educate us about what they had read. They found me and my wife an eager audience who were endlessly interested and impressed with their knowledge, and their ability to communicate clearly.

Way #3. When your growing children tell you about what they have read, their self-esteem increases, and your relationship with them matures, becoming even closer.

One day, my oldest son showed me the first Harry Potter novel, which Kira had bought for him. Derek asked me to read a few pages silently to myself. At first, what I was reading seemed rather odd, since it used made-up words like “muggles”. But, I wanted to support his interest in reading. So I asked him if I could read the book after he finished it, and we could then discuss it together. Derek was only 10, and I wasn’t sure if he’d really finish the book. After all, it was hundreds of pages long. But when he did, I was obliged to read it as well. I really enjoyed it, but not nearly as much as I enjoyed discussing it with him later.

WAY #4. Discussing books, both you and your children have read, and exchanging insights and opinions with them on those books makes children feel more equal with their parents, and helps to build an enduring relationship of mutual respect as they transition into adult life.

Recently, I wrote and self-published my own fantasy novel “Geniuses”. My sons encouraged and helped me to write this novel, and now they discuss their reactions to it with me. Their comments are truly fascinating. Books are still bringing us closer together, but any shared hobby can help do the same.

Neil Flanzraich is the author of the new novel “Geniuses.” He has a bachelor’s and law degree from Harvard University, is currently the chairman and CEO of a biotech company, and is a member of the board for two public companies. He currently resides with his wife in Coral Gables, Florida.

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